Mitzi’s Happy

It occurred to me, and I don’t know why it took until tonight, that I have no keeper. There is no one that is in my home that I answer to, ever. No one to keep me from a full week of cereal for dinner. Not a soul who bothers me about how I do the dishes or laundry. I wake up every day completely on my own terms, and finish each day on my own terms.

So while I’ve been spending years ‘unbecoming’ all of the things that I had become in a life that wasn’t mine and a person that wasn’t me, I’ve also been becoming my own unkept self.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRnBFYp2/

Something has changed inside me (bonus if you know where that comes from) in that the thousands of scars that I’ve gathered are healing and those healed places are an armor that only a person who has been through the cycle of hurt to heal can have.

Sometimes it’s uncomfortable, and belonging to oneself is not so much a statement of independence as it is a statement of individuality.

In other news, really what it means is I am her.

I’m the person with the life that is adventurous, a little unhinged in the best ways. I’m living the life of someone who can walk this earth in my own shoes, on my own path. Unencumbered of the burden to be anything anyone else expects.

It makes me want to push boundaries. Live even bigger, embracing the eccentric. For me, this feels like freedom.

This post has nothing to do with being alone. Wouldn’t it be amazing to find someone who is equally as eccentric and curious about the world that wouldn’t see me as too much or too this or that? Believe me I’m in if that person should ever come my way.

What it means to me in that way is that I‘m not waiting any longer to live a life that is big enough. Alone or with another, I’m ready to get going.