Mitzi’s Happy

How would you rate your confidence level?

It’s 8:35pm. The laundry is done and folded, dishes are drying in the washer, the bread machine is whirring away and I have beans soaking for tomorrows dinner.

I’ve cleaned, went for a quick run, spent time at the barn (with a gut punch because Thomas is hurt), and generally got everything done except my taxes.

But I slept in until 10am, the never ending winter has squashed my motivation to get up. But sleeping in means that an early sleep tonight won’t happen, and I need it to happen.

Sunday’s are tough. Maybe because it’s the start of the new week, and the day I wrap up all of the things that need to get done. By night I’m just left with my thoughts, and it’s a game to distract and engage in anything and everything to push them away because for some reason on Sunday’s the thoughts are the tough ones, the ones that absolutely have the power to turn you against yourself and crush all confidence. On Sunday’s all confidence can be crushed to zero.

So I’ll read and blog, maybe play the piano, write the todo list for next week, and that’ll do until I exhaust on it. Then more than likely I’ll be overcome for awhile with these hard thoughts that I do need to deal with, but they come all at once because there’s nothing left but them.

Sometimes it feels like I’m torn apart every week and spend the rest of the week putting the pieces back together. Mostly these days those pieces fall together almost perfectly and I do feel confident that life is amazing and I’m perfectly capable of everything I could ever wanted to do and be. There are still weeks where it doesn’t quite click and it’s a bit of a fight the whole week through. But the capable weeks are getting closer together, fading out the unsteady ones.

But there are still Sunday nights and marathons of distractions that lead to these thoughts that crumble all confidence, which I’ll spend the week working on again.

Like most things that are torn apart, examined, and put back together, what I am most confident is that when I get through this glitch of Sunday’s my thinking and my self-concept will be stronger than if I hadn’t ever had to. I’m glad I have these little demons to spar with. They make me think through everything like it matters and pay attention to life.

With that, I’m confident that I will strongly and wholly be consistently walking through my life confident with the knowledge that I faced the hard things and became better for them. One day my confidence will skyrocket and I won’t even know what to do with it.

Not on this Wintery Sunday night, but soon 🙂